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This is a fifth draft of the original 1994 script.
Most of the changes invovled more description per panel, as Dove, who was slated
to draw the series, needed more decription and feeling to draw the characters. A
few reaction scenes were added to pad the story out, as well. The Amy/Allison
confrontation, as well as the Carrie/Dad confrontation was made more intense,
and a new scene was added at the end. Material changed or added to this draft is
in bolded font.
These re-write drafts were scuttled and
the next draft was completely written from scratch.
Closet Space #1
Draft #5
"Roommate Wanted"
(c)1993, 1996 Jennifer Dolari.
Original Story by Jennifer Dolari.
To be adapted by Dov Sherman with Jennifer Dolari.
Artwork by Dov Sherman.
PANEL 1 - An overhead shot of Jason's house. It's midday.
BECKY
(off screen)
Here, try a little of this....
PANEL 2 - BECKY and CARRIE, two rather attractive "sisters," are staring into
a mirror. There's cosmetics all over the dresser. Carrie is trying on a shade
of lipstick. Becky looks at the reflection with an artist's eyes.
BECKY
I think that shade is a little
too purple for your skin tone.
PANEL 3 - Carrie turns to face Becky. Through an open window, you can see a
rather reliable old stationwagon pulling into the driveway.
CARRIE
Purple? I don't see any purple
in this at all.
BECKY
You men can't see color at all,
can you?
PANEL 3A - Becky "poinks" the tip of Carrie's nose with a jabbing finger.
BECKY
Even the one who want to dress
like women.
PANEL 4 - Carrie looks back into the mirror.
CARRIE
Cut me some slack, Sis. At least
I'm trying to DO something with
my looks.
PANEL 5 - DAD gets out of his car with a Bucket of Grandma's Chicken. He's
looking up to Carrie's window and sees Becky's silhouette in it. He's so
proud of his son and daughter....
BECKY
Well then, you'll need to learn
more than color co-ordination and
make up.
PANEL 6 - Carrie is wiping off the lipstick. Becky comes closer to Carrie's
ear over her shoulder.
BECKY
So when ya gonna tell Dad, Jason?
PANEL 6A - Carrie turns to face Becky with a very stern look in her face.
CARRIE
When I'm like this, my name is
Carrie, sis...not Jason.
PANEL 7 - Dad is putting down the box of chicken on the kitchen table, and is
looking up in the direction of his kids with a smile. He's so proud of his son
and daughter....
BECKY
What do you mean 'like this?' You
know underneath he padding and
make-up your still my brother.
Besides...
PANEL 8 - Becky is cut off by the very proud and bellowing father shouting to
his kids (which he's so proud of). Carrie has a look of horrified shock on her
face. Becky has a look of surprise, not expecting Dad to be home so soon.
DAD
(off screen)
KIDS! I'm home!
BECKY
(small
letters)
Oh, shit.
PANEL 9 - Becky rushes for the door.
BECKY
You get all that crap off, and
I'll try to stall him!
PANEL 10 - Becky looks back at Jason's door as Dad comes up the stairway.
DAD
We got your favorite! Grandma's
Chicken!
PANEL 11 - View of Carrie from the neck down as she tears off her blouse,
busting a button and revealing a padding filled bra underneath.
CARRIE
Be down in a sec, Dad!
PANEL 12 - Becky confronts Dad just at the stairway. He's so proud of her....
BECKY
Dad!
DAD
Darlin'!
PANEL 13 - Jason is pulling up the zipper on his pants
BECKY
(off screen)
Dad, I've got this neat new
window hanging I want you to
seeeeeeaaaaAAAAHH!
PANEL 14 - Becky is now sitting up on a jovial Dad's shoulder. She's
definitely worried, while Dad is extremely happy to be home with his kids
anyways.
DAD
Well, then lets get your brother
and we'll all get a look at it!
PANEL 15 - From Behind Jason, Jason faces Dad in the hallway
PANEL 16 - Becky has her head in her hands with another "Oh, shit" look on
her face. Carrie is now JASON.
JASON
DAD!
PANEL 17 - Dad has a surprised and almost sad look on his face.
PANEL 18 - Jason, still with Carrie's make-up on, smiles.
JASON
What's for dinner?
PANEL 19 - The view of another, larger ornate house from overhead, there is
a car in the driveway.
AMY
(off screen)
DON'T TOUCH ME!
PANEL 20 - A young "alternative" girl named AMY is packing her stuff. Another
young, somewhat plain girl, named ALLISON is over her shoulder wondering whats
happened.
ALLISON
Was it something I said? Something I did?
PANEL 20A - Amy swings around to face Allison, still holding a large box in her
hands, which almost hits Allison in the stomach.
AMY
You should be a little more
honest with your roomates.
PANEL 21 - Amy walks down a hallway with a box in her hand. Allison pops her
head through the doorframe of the bedroom.
ALLISON
What's that supposed to mean?
PANEL 22 - Amy places the box into the backseat of her car, Allison is standing
in the front doorway of the house.
AMY
It means that I found your
pictures.
PANEL 23 - Amy turns to Allison who is halfway to her car.
AMY
And now I know who you are.
PANEL 23A - Allison looks down in thought as Amy turns back to something in her
car.
PANEL 24 - Allison reaches out for Amy's shoulder
ALLISON
Amy, it's not what you think...
If you'd just let me explain...
PANEL 25 - Allison swivels around, slapping Allison hard
PANEL 26 - Amy turns back to her car, again, this time grabbing her keys.
AMY
I don't think I'll be trusting
anyone anytime soon, thanks to
you.
PANEL 27 - Amy is in her car, which has started.
AMY
I'll come back for the rest of my
stuff as soon as I can stomach
seeing you again.
PANEL 28 - Allison watches as Amy drives off.
PANEL 28A - Closet up of Allison's worried face.
ALLISON
And rent's due in a
week....
PANEL 29 - Close up of Jason, the make-up is off, but the hair is still
Carrie's. He's very subdued and hurt.
DAD
(off screen)
It's gotta be those damned queers
you hang around with! They
turned you into one of them!
JASON
Dad... it's not like that
PANEL 29A - Dad points an accusing finger at Jason, who is sadly recoiling.
DAD
(off screen)
I'M TALKING, DAMNIT!
PANEL 30 - Establishing shot. In their Kitchen, Jason's Father is on the left,
and his MOTHER on the right. Jason is standing behind a table in between his
parents. The mother seems very withdrawn.
DAD
And frankly, if I ever catch
another of your faggot friends
over, I'll make sure they live
to regret it.
PANEL 31 - Dad begins to turn away from Jason, who is starting to get
incensed.
DAD
Now stop being an embarrasment to
the whole family and get yourself
ready for dinner.
PANEL 32 - Jason stares hard at dad.
JASON
No.
PANEL 33 - Dad turns his head towards Jason
DAD
What was that?
PANEL 34 - Jason faces her mother.
JASON
Mom, please... make him see that
this is really me...you and
Becky have known this for years.
PANEL 35 - Mother looks down at her feet, crying.
DAD
(off screen)
DID YOU CONTRADICT ME, BOY?
PANEL 36 - Mother is crying, and now coughing as well. Father is even MORE
furious.
DAD
(off screen)
I SAID, DID YOU CONTRADICT ME?
PANEL 37-39 - Jason blows up, storming at Dad to the point where even Dad is
backing up from it.
JASON
YES, YOU! I'm TIRED of listening
our bigoted homophobic rantings and your constant testosterone
worship!
(next panel)
You've turned Mom into a scared
whimpering shell of what she
used to be!
(next panel)
You've made my life a living hell
with all your crap! A complete a
total HELL and I'm TIRED OF IT
ALL!
PANEL 40 - Dad smugly looks down at Jason
DAD
As long as your in my house, you
go by my rules.
PANEL 41 - Becky peers into the kitchen from the hallway.
JASON
(off screen)
You only say that when you can't
justify your thinking.
DAD
(off screen)
Shut up with your psycho-babble,
it doesn't work on me.
PANEL 42 - Jason walks past a bewildered Becky in hallway, steamin' mad
followed by an enraged Dad.
JASON
It doesn't need to. I'm leaving.
DAD
GET BACK HERE! I'M NOT THROUGH
WITH YOU!
PANEL 43 - Dad grabs Jason's sleeve pulling him back.
DAD
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!
PANEL 44 - Dad swings at Jason and connects.
PANEL 45 - Jason flies to the floor.
PANEL 46 - Jason begins to get up, staring with intense hatred at Dad.
PANEL 47 - Jason stands, chest up and out, staring with intense hatred at
Dad.
JASON
Now I know I have to leaving.
PANEL 48 - As Jason runs upstairs, Dad looks at his fist in disbelief.
PANEL 49 - Full Length Shot of VICTORIA...a not so convincing drag queen in
full regalia. She seems overjoyed to have company.
VICTORIA
Of COURSE you can stay here,
Sweetie!
PANEL 50 - Carrie and Becky look at each other nervously. There are several
boxes in the background marked "Carrie."
VICTORIA
(off panel)
It'll be great! Two crossdressing
queens under one roof! We'll have
a hellacious time!
PANEL 51 - Victoria is busy getting dressed in more complicated and outlandish
clothing.
VICTORIA
Now, I've got a show to go do, so
we'll get all the particulars
outta the way then, sweets!
PANEL 52 - Victoria heads out the door, giving a quick glance back as she
leaves.
VICTORIA
Now, Becky, make sure Carrie
doesn't trash the place while I'm
at work! I'll be back later!
PANEL 53 - Carrie is looking at Becky.
CARRIE
I definitely need to find another
place, Sis.
PANEL 54 - Becky roots through one of Carrie's boxes
BECKY
I don't know...Victor's always
been a nice guy, and you two have
always gotten together well...
PANEL 55 - Carrie turns to Becky. Becky is holding up a bra and looking at
it
CARRIE
Sis, you've known Victoria as
long as you've known about me.
PANEL 56 - Becky has put the bra down and is giving Carrie a look of
revelation.
BECKY
You need to find a new place....
PANEL 57 - Establishing shot: A very plain DEMURE WOMAN sits in a chair across
from Allison, who is looking extremely bored. A table sits between them and a
small slightly-wilting centerpiece sits on the table.
DEMURE WOMAN
And then the good Lord led me,
like he led the Israelites, to
your roommate wanted ad.
PANEL 58 - Shot of the Demure Woman's upper torso. A bit of the centerpiece
can be seen. [MONTAGE]
DEMURE WOMAN
And with the help of our Lord and
Savior Jesus Christ, we shall
both get what we seek in life,
and liberty...
PANEL 59 - The Demure Woman has been replaced with a PATRIOT WOMAN wearing a
"Born American, Born Free" T-shirt. She's a fairly rugged woman, and well
built muscularly. The centerpiece has wilted a bit. [MONTAGE]
PATRIOT WOMAN
...because liberty is all we have
left to be free in this corrupt
government. Because the people
are the hearts and souls of
America! It's all in the
Constitution...
PANEL 60 - The Patriot Woman has been replaced by a HIPPIE CHICK. She's
wearing unkempt bedraggled hair, a crystal on a necklace and very dark shades
(probably covering up her bloodshot eyes). The centerpiece has wilted even
more. [MONTAGE]
HIPPIE CHICK
It should all be really free and
unheavily cool. I mean that's why
I asked if the drugs would bother
you...
PANEL 61 - The Hippie Chick has been replaced by the AIRHEAD. She's obviously
not all there, is wearing too much make up and not enough personality. Too
much jewelry and fingernails the length of small skyscrapers. That centerpiece
isn't looking too good. [MONTAGE]
AIRHEAD
...and when it didn't bother
Raoul, like, I told him that I'd
just be going to the mall for
another pair of shoes and, like,
he just freeeked! You know how it
is, boys just don't understand!
PANEL 62 - The Airhead ahs been replaced by a TREKKIE in full Starfleet
Regalia, Spock ears. She is also unbearably fat and possibly even a bit
sweaty. The centerpiece is now dying. [MONTAGE]
TREKKIE
I mean, if we DO understand the
Prime Directive, we simply CANNOT
get involved in the internal
affairs of primitive peoples...
PANEL 63 - The Trekkie has been replaced by a DOMINATRIX in leather with a
cat-o-nine tails whip in her hand. She is sensuous, beautiful and perhaps just
a bit charming. But the collar with the lock on it kinda ruins it.. Our
centerpiece is greying.... [MONTAGE]
DOMINATRIX
...and my affairs are anything
but primitive. Pain and pleasure,
pleasure and pain.. .they both
dance forbidden dances, slowly
intertwining their waltzes until
both are one. And they both grow
in intensity until...
PANEL 64 - The Dominatrix has been replaced by a TRUCKER WOMAN. Typical
un-feminine looking woman in flannel and ski-vest. Very muscular and probably
a bit unhygenic, too. The centerpiece is dead. [MONTAGE]
TRUCKER WOMAN
...that chunk of ice on the
compressor was as big as my fist!
Damn near was blockin' so much of
the pipe, that the brakes were
chokin' on it. Glob of gunk the
size of my finger.
PANEL 65 - Allison ushers Trucker Woman out the door
ALLISON
Wellthankyouverymuchl'Ilgiveyoua
callwhenlmakemydecsionhaveanice
daynow!
PANEL 66 - Allison slams door, leaning up against the door. She is plainly
shocked.
ALLISON
Oh, man. I'll be living with a
REAL crazy at this rate.
PANEL 67 - Carrie is reading a book, Victoria is dancing in front of her.
Lyrics are blaring from the stereo speakers "Look Up, Look Up, Look up! The
Sky is Falling!" [MONTAGE]
PANEL 68 - Carrie and Victoria are at the dinner table where Victoria, mouth
full, is gabbing away at her, food particles flying out. [MONTAGE]
PANEL 69 - Carrie is trying to watch TV on a tiny TV set, she has a look of
consternation on her face. Victoria is dancing behind her of her. Lyrics are
blaring from the stereo speakers "Look Up, Look Up, Look up! The Sky is
Falling!" [MONTAGE]
PANEL 70 - Carrie, trying to hide herself in the collars of her jacket, a very
"distinctive" Victoria, another as-distinctive friend and Becky, also trying
to hide, are walking down the street. Victoria and friend having a grand old
time, despite the strange looks they're getting. [MONTAGE]
PANEL 71 - Carrie is trying to work on a Jigsaw puzzle, but a dancing Victoria
has stepped on it. Lyrics are blaring from the stereo speakers "Look Up, Look
Up, Look up! The Sky is Falling!" [MONTAGE]
PANEL 72 - Carrie is driving in her pickup next to some guys on the freeway.
Victoria is hanging out the window blowing a kiss to the guys. Carrie has a
very shocked look on her face. [MONTAGE]
PANEL 72 - Carrie is lying in bed.. .eyes red... needing sleep... but she
can't... because blaring from the stereo speakers is "Look Up, Look Up, Look
up! The Sky is Falling!"
PANEL 73 - Establishing shot: It's breakfast and a very bored and annoyed
Carrie is sitting across from a male Victoria. Victoria is drinking a
Slim-fast shake and Carrie is eating a bowl of Kombat Krunch cereal. Carrie is
running through a newspaper's want ads. Flying through the air from speakers
are the words "Look Up, Look Up, Look up! The Sky is Falling!"
VICTORIA
So I told her that if she thought
I was going to get in that
bustier, she had another thing
coming.
PANEL 74 - Carrie jumps up from the table, covering much of Victoria's word
balloon
VICTORIA
I mean the thing would make Kate
Moss gasp for breath! She didn't
even bother to check it on
herself before giving it to me!
CARRIE OUTSTANDING!
PANEL 75 - Carrie shows Victoria the ad who looks up a bit disinterested.
VICTORIA
What?
CARRIE
I found a place to stay!
PANEL 76 - Victoria takes the paper to read it.
VICTORIA
But you can stay here as long as
you need, sweets!
(reads)
"Single white female, 28, seeks
female roommate to share expenses
with. Reliable transportation and
decent income a must."
PANEL 75 - Victoria laughs a little at the situation.
VICTORIA
Carrie, you may look great as a
girl, but as long as you have
your beans and franks, you're not
a female.
CARRIE
Details, details....
PANEL 76 - Carrie sits back in her chair.
CARRIE
Y'know...10 to 1 says I could
pass it off well enough to live
there.
PANEL 77 - Victoria is getting a good laugh from this all.
VICTORIA
10 to 1 says you couldn't live
it. Being a girl is tons
different than being a glamour
queen. When you're one of us, you
dont have to wear make-up all the
time, and you don't have to time
your life in 28 day intervals.
PANEL 78 - OMITTED
PANEL 79 - Carrie gets dreamy.
CARRIE
No pesky parents, no snooping
sisters, no back-asswards
relatives barging in...
(thinking)
No "Look up" song.
PANEL 80 - Victoria tries to shake her out of it.
VICTORIA
Just remember not to leave the
toilet seat up.
PANEL 81 - An overhead view of Allison's house, Carrie's pickup is parked by
the sidewalk.
PANEL 82 - Establishing shot: A much relieved Allison sits happily in front of
a happy Carrie. Both seem FINALLY at ease. A bright fresh new centerpiece sits
on the table.
ALLISON
Well, you've definitely passed
all the requirements...now a few
quick questions.
PANEL 83 - Allison sits forward a bit towards Carrie.
ALLISON
What is your opinion about
alternate sexualities? Gays,
lesbians and everything in
between?
PANEL 84 - Carrie is shocked.
CARRIE
(thinking)
SHE'S ON TO ME!
PANEL 84A - Allison looks on quizzically.
ALLISON
?
PANEL 84B - Carrie is visibly red, and nervous.
CARRIE
Um...I'm okay with it...one of my
closest friends is a drag
queen...uh...nope, I don't have a
problem... um...with anything...
PANEL 85 - Headshot of Allison, with a happy (perhaps a little relieved, too)
smile on her face.
ALLISON
That's great! You don't know how
many people I've had to let go
because they don't like my type
of friends!
PANEL 86 - Allison is standing and Carrie is noticably relieved.
ALLISON
So, the last question I can see
is "When can you move in?"
PANEL 87 - Carrie stands up from her chair
CARRIE
You mean I'm in?
ALISON
Yes, ma'am!
PANEL 88 - Carrie thrusts out her hand for a shake, which Allison looks at
quizically. The centerpiece loses a small leaf.
CARRIE
THANK YOU!!! I promise I'll never
let you down!
PANEL 89 - Allison smiles and takes the hand.
ALLISON
Then here's to a long and
fruitful relationship.
PANEL 90 - The facade of of Allison's house...you can see Carrie hauling a box
in through the front door, but our focus is on Allison, through a window.
PANEL 91 - Allison is sitting in a chair, staring down at some pictures (the
pictures are facing away from us, so we can't see them).
PANEL 92 - (Rounded edged frame for "recollection") Amy turns to Allison who
is halfway to her car.
AMY
It means that I found your
pictures.
PANEL 93 - (Rounded edged frame for "recollection") Amy turns to Allison who is
halfway to her car.
AMY
And now I know who you are.
PANEL 94 - Same as Panel 91, except that we see Allison's hand reaching for
something.
PANEL 95 - Close up of the back of the pictures as Allison begins to burn them
with the lighter. Allison has a somewhat pained look on her face.
END |
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