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First
A Different Perspective

1

2 3 4 5 6
7 8 9 10 11  
Developing the Characters
Early Comic Drafts
Roommate Wanted May
1996
June
1996
June
1997
Rocket's Red Flare May
1996
June
1996
Dolari.Net History

This is a fifth draft of the original 1994 script. Most of the changes invovled more description per panel, as Dove, who was slated to draw the series, needed more decription and feeling to draw the characters. A few reaction scenes were added to pad the story out, as well. The Amy/Allison confrontation, as well as the Carrie/Dad confrontation was made more intense, and a new scene was added at the end. Material changed or added to this draft is in bolded font.

These re-write drafts were scuttled and the next draft was completely written from scratch.

Closet Space #1 Draft #5 "Roommate Wanted" (c)1993, 1996 Jennifer Dolari. Original Story by Jennifer Dolari. To be adapted by Dov Sherman with Jennifer Dolari. Artwork by Dov Sherman.
PANEL 1 - An overhead shot of Jason's house. It's midday. BECKY (off screen) Here, try a little of this.... PANEL 2 - BECKY and CARRIE, two rather attractive "sisters," are staring into a mirror. There's cosmetics all over the dresser. Carrie is trying on a shade of lipstick. Becky looks at the reflection with an artist's eyes. BECKY I think that shade is a little too purple for your skin tone. PANEL 3 - Carrie turns to face Becky. Through an open window, you can see a rather reliable old stationwagon pulling into the driveway. CARRIE Purple? I don't see any purple in this at all. BECKY You men can't see color at all, can you? PANEL 3A - Becky "poinks" the tip of Carrie's nose with a jabbing finger. BECKY Even the one who want to dress like women. PANEL 4 - Carrie looks back into the mirror. CARRIE Cut me some slack, Sis. At least I'm trying to DO something with my looks. PANEL 5 - DAD gets out of his car with a Bucket of Grandma's Chicken. He's looking up to Carrie's window and sees Becky's silhouette in it. He's so proud of his son and daughter.... BECKY Well then, you'll need to learn more than color co-ordination and make up. PANEL 6 - Carrie is wiping off the lipstick. Becky comes closer to Carrie's ear over her shoulder. BECKY So when ya gonna tell Dad, Jason? PANEL 6A - Carrie turns to face Becky with a very stern look in her face. CARRIE When I'm like this, my name is Carrie, sis...not Jason. PANEL 7 - Dad is putting down the box of chicken on the kitchen table, and is looking up in the direction of his kids with a smile. He's so proud of his son and daughter.... BECKY What do you mean 'like this?' You know underneath he padding and make-up your still my brother. Besides... PANEL 8 - Becky is cut off by the very proud and bellowing father shouting to his kids (which he's so proud of). Carrie has a look of horrified shock on her face. Becky has a look of surprise, not expecting Dad to be home so soon. DAD (off screen) KIDS! I'm home! BECKY (small letters) Oh, shit. PANEL 9 - Becky rushes for the door. BECKY You get all that crap off, and I'll try to stall him! PANEL 10 - Becky looks back at Jason's door as Dad comes up the stairway. DAD We got your favorite! Grandma's Chicken! PANEL 11 - View of Carrie from the neck down as she tears off her blouse, busting a button and revealing a padding filled bra underneath. CARRIE Be down in a sec, Dad! PANEL 12 - Becky confronts Dad just at the stairway. He's so proud of her.... BECKY Dad! DAD Darlin'! PANEL 13 - Jason is pulling up the zipper on his pants BECKY (off screen) Dad, I've got this neat new window hanging I want you to seeeeeeaaaaAAAAHH! PANEL 14 - Becky is now sitting up on a jovial Dad's shoulder. She's definitely worried, while Dad is extremely happy to be home with his kids anyways. DAD Well, then lets get your brother and we'll all get a look at it! PANEL 15 - From Behind Jason, Jason faces Dad in the hallway PANEL 16 - Becky has her head in her hands with another "Oh, shit" look on her face. Carrie is now JASON. JASON DAD! PANEL 17 - Dad has a surprised and almost sad look on his face. PANEL 18 - Jason, still with Carrie's make-up on, smiles. JASON What's for dinner? PANEL 19 - The view of another, larger ornate house from overhead, there is a car in the driveway. AMY (off screen) DON'T TOUCH ME! PANEL 20 - A young "alternative" girl named AMY is packing her stuff. Another young, somewhat plain girl, named ALLISON is over her shoulder wondering whats happened. ALLISON Was it something I said? Something I did? PANEL 20A - Amy swings around to face Allison, still holding a large box in her hands, which almost hits Allison in the stomach. AMY You should be a little more honest with your roomates. PANEL 21 - Amy walks down a hallway with a box in her hand. Allison pops her head through the doorframe of the bedroom. ALLISON What's that supposed to mean? PANEL 22 - Amy places the box into the backseat of her car, Allison is standing in the front doorway of the house. AMY It means that I found your pictures. PANEL 23 - Amy turns to Allison who is halfway to her car. AMY And now I know who you are. PANEL 23A - Allison looks down in thought as Amy turns back to something in her car. PANEL 24 - Allison reaches out for Amy's shoulder ALLISON Amy, it's not what you think... If you'd just let me explain... PANEL 25 - Allison swivels around, slapping Allison hard PANEL 26 - Amy turns back to her car, again, this time grabbing her keys. AMY I don't think I'll be trusting anyone anytime soon, thanks to you. PANEL 27 - Amy is in her car, which has started. AMY I'll come back for the rest of my stuff as soon as I can stomach seeing you again. PANEL 28 - Allison watches as Amy drives off. PANEL 28A - Closet up of Allison's worried face. ALLISON And rent's due in a week.... PANEL 29 - Close up of Jason, the make-up is off, but the hair is still Carrie's. He's very subdued and hurt. DAD (off screen) It's gotta be those damned queers you hang around with! They turned you into one of them! JASON Dad... it's not like that PANEL 29A - Dad points an accusing finger at Jason, who is sadly recoiling. DAD (off screen) I'M TALKING, DAMNIT! PANEL 30 - Establishing shot. In their Kitchen, Jason's Father is on the left, and his MOTHER on the right. Jason is standing behind a table in between his parents. The mother seems very withdrawn. DAD And frankly, if I ever catch another of your faggot friends over, I'll make sure they live to regret it. PANEL 31 - Dad begins to turn away from Jason, who is starting to get incensed. DAD Now stop being an embarrasment to the whole family and get yourself ready for dinner. PANEL 32 - Jason stares hard at dad. JASON No. PANEL 33 - Dad turns his head towards Jason DAD What was that? PANEL 34 - Jason faces her mother. JASON Mom, please... make him see that this is really me...you and Becky have known this for years. PANEL 35 - Mother looks down at her feet, crying. DAD (off screen) DID YOU CONTRADICT ME, BOY? PANEL 36 - Mother is crying, and now coughing as well. Father is even MORE furious. DAD (off screen) I SAID, DID YOU CONTRADICT ME? PANEL 37-39 - Jason blows up, storming at Dad to the point where even Dad is backing up from it. JASON YES, YOU! I'm TIRED of listening our bigoted homophobic rantings and your constant testosterone worship! (next panel) You've turned Mom into a scared whimpering shell of what she used to be! (next panel) You've made my life a living hell with all your crap! A complete a total HELL and I'm TIRED OF IT ALL! PANEL 40 - Dad smugly looks down at Jason DAD As long as your in my house, you go by my rules. PANEL 41 - Becky peers into the kitchen from the hallway. JASON (off screen) You only say that when you can't justify your thinking. DAD (off screen) Shut up with your psycho-babble, it doesn't work on me. PANEL 42 - Jason walks past a bewildered Becky in hallway, steamin' mad followed by an enraged Dad. JASON It doesn't need to. I'm leaving. DAD GET BACK HERE! I'M NOT THROUGH WITH YOU! PANEL 43 - Dad grabs Jason's sleeve pulling him back. DAD YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE! PANEL 44 - Dad swings at Jason and connects. PANEL 45 - Jason flies to the floor. PANEL 46 - Jason begins to get up, staring with intense hatred at Dad. PANEL 47 - Jason stands, chest up and out, staring with intense hatred at Dad. JASON Now I know I have to leaving. PANEL 48 - As Jason runs upstairs, Dad looks at his fist in disbelief. PANEL 49 - Full Length Shot of VICTORIA...a not so convincing drag queen in full regalia. She seems overjoyed to have company. VICTORIA Of COURSE you can stay here, Sweetie! PANEL 50 - Carrie and Becky look at each other nervously. There are several boxes in the background marked "Carrie." VICTORIA (off panel) It'll be great! Two crossdressing queens under one roof! We'll have a hellacious time! PANEL 51 - Victoria is busy getting dressed in more complicated and outlandish clothing. VICTORIA Now, I've got a show to go do, so we'll get all the particulars outta the way then, sweets! PANEL 52 - Victoria heads out the door, giving a quick glance back as she leaves. VICTORIA Now, Becky, make sure Carrie doesn't trash the place while I'm at work! I'll be back later! PANEL 53 - Carrie is looking at Becky. CARRIE I definitely need to find another place, Sis. PANEL 54 - Becky roots through one of Carrie's boxes BECKY I don't know...Victor's always been a nice guy, and you two have always gotten together well... PANEL 55 - Carrie turns to Becky. Becky is holding up a bra and looking at it CARRIE Sis, you've known Victoria as long as you've known about me. PANEL 56 - Becky has put the bra down and is giving Carrie a look of revelation. BECKY You need to find a new place.... PANEL 57 - Establishing shot: A very plain DEMURE WOMAN sits in a chair across from Allison, who is looking extremely bored. A table sits between them and a small slightly-wilting centerpiece sits on the table. DEMURE WOMAN And then the good Lord led me, like he led the Israelites, to your roommate wanted ad. PANEL 58 - Shot of the Demure Woman's upper torso. A bit of the centerpiece can be seen. [MONTAGE] DEMURE WOMAN And with the help of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, we shall both get what we seek in life, and liberty... PANEL 59 - The Demure Woman has been replaced with a PATRIOT WOMAN wearing a "Born American, Born Free" T-shirt. She's a fairly rugged woman, and well built muscularly. The centerpiece has wilted a bit. [MONTAGE] PATRIOT WOMAN ...because liberty is all we have left to be free in this corrupt government. Because the people are the hearts and souls of America! It's all in the Constitution... PANEL 60 - The Patriot Woman has been replaced by a HIPPIE CHICK. She's wearing unkempt bedraggled hair, a crystal on a necklace and very dark shades (probably covering up her bloodshot eyes). The centerpiece has wilted even more. [MONTAGE] HIPPIE CHICK It should all be really free and unheavily cool. I mean that's why I asked if the drugs would bother you... PANEL 61 - The Hippie Chick has been replaced by the AIRHEAD. She's obviously not all there, is wearing too much make up and not enough personality. Too much jewelry and fingernails the length of small skyscrapers. That centerpiece isn't looking too good. [MONTAGE] AIRHEAD ...and when it didn't bother Raoul, like, I told him that I'd just be going to the mall for another pair of shoes and, like, he just freeeked! You know how it is, boys just don't understand! PANEL 62 - The Airhead ahs been replaced by a TREKKIE in full Starfleet Regalia, Spock ears. She is also unbearably fat and possibly even a bit sweaty. The centerpiece is now dying. [MONTAGE] TREKKIE I mean, if we DO understand the Prime Directive, we simply CANNOT get involved in the internal affairs of primitive peoples... PANEL 63 - The Trekkie has been replaced by a DOMINATRIX in leather with a cat-o-nine tails whip in her hand. She is sensuous, beautiful and perhaps just a bit charming. But the collar with the lock on it kinda ruins it.. Our centerpiece is greying.... [MONTAGE] DOMINATRIX ...and my affairs are anything but primitive. Pain and pleasure, pleasure and pain.. .they both dance forbidden dances, slowly intertwining their waltzes until both are one. And they both grow in intensity until... PANEL 64 - The Dominatrix has been replaced by a TRUCKER WOMAN. Typical un-feminine looking woman in flannel and ski-vest. Very muscular and probably a bit unhygenic, too. The centerpiece is dead. [MONTAGE] TRUCKER WOMAN ...that chunk of ice on the compressor was as big as my fist! Damn near was blockin' so much of the pipe, that the brakes were chokin' on it. Glob of gunk the size of my finger. PANEL 65 - Allison ushers Trucker Woman out the door ALLISON Wellthankyouverymuchl'Ilgiveyoua callwhenlmakemydecsionhaveanice daynow! PANEL 66 - Allison slams door, leaning up against the door. She is plainly shocked. ALLISON Oh, man. I'll be living with a REAL crazy at this rate. PANEL 67 - Carrie is reading a book, Victoria is dancing in front of her. Lyrics are blaring from the stereo speakers "Look Up, Look Up, Look up! The Sky is Falling!" [MONTAGE] PANEL 68 - Carrie and Victoria are at the dinner table where Victoria, mouth full, is gabbing away at her, food particles flying out. [MONTAGE] PANEL 69 - Carrie is trying to watch TV on a tiny TV set, she has a look of consternation on her face. Victoria is dancing behind her of her. Lyrics are blaring from the stereo speakers "Look Up, Look Up, Look up! The Sky is Falling!" [MONTAGE] PANEL 70 - Carrie, trying to hide herself in the collars of her jacket, a very "distinctive" Victoria, another as-distinctive friend and Becky, also trying to hide, are walking down the street. Victoria and friend having a grand old time, despite the strange looks they're getting. [MONTAGE] PANEL 71 - Carrie is trying to work on a Jigsaw puzzle, but a dancing Victoria has stepped on it. Lyrics are blaring from the stereo speakers "Look Up, Look Up, Look up! The Sky is Falling!" [MONTAGE] PANEL 72 - Carrie is driving in her pickup next to some guys on the freeway. Victoria is hanging out the window blowing a kiss to the guys. Carrie has a very shocked look on her face. [MONTAGE] PANEL 72 - Carrie is lying in bed.. .eyes red... needing sleep... but she can't... because blaring from the stereo speakers is "Look Up, Look Up, Look up! The Sky is Falling!" PANEL 73 - Establishing shot: It's breakfast and a very bored and annoyed Carrie is sitting across from a male Victoria. Victoria is drinking a Slim-fast shake and Carrie is eating a bowl of Kombat Krunch cereal. Carrie is running through a newspaper's want ads. Flying through the air from speakers are the words "Look Up, Look Up, Look up! The Sky is Falling!" VICTORIA So I told her that if she thought I was going to get in that bustier, she had another thing coming. PANEL 74 - Carrie jumps up from the table, covering much of Victoria's word balloon VICTORIA I mean the thing would make Kate Moss gasp for breath! She didn't even bother to check it on herself before giving it to me! CARRIE OUTSTANDING! PANEL 75 - Carrie shows Victoria the ad who looks up a bit disinterested. VICTORIA What? CARRIE I found a place to stay! PANEL 76 - Victoria takes the paper to read it. VICTORIA But you can stay here as long as you need, sweets! (reads) "Single white female, 28, seeks female roommate to share expenses with. Reliable transportation and decent income a must." PANEL 75 - Victoria laughs a little at the situation. VICTORIA Carrie, you may look great as a girl, but as long as you have your beans and franks, you're not a female. CARRIE Details, details.... PANEL 76 - Carrie sits back in her chair. CARRIE Y'know...10 to 1 says I could pass it off well enough to live there. PANEL 77 - Victoria is getting a good laugh from this all. VICTORIA 10 to 1 says you couldn't live it. Being a girl is tons different than being a glamour queen. When you're one of us, you dont have to wear make-up all the time, and you don't have to time your life in 28 day intervals. PANEL 78 - OMITTED PANEL 79 - Carrie gets dreamy. CARRIE No pesky parents, no snooping sisters, no back-asswards relatives barging in... (thinking) No "Look up" song. PANEL 80 - Victoria tries to shake her out of it. VICTORIA Just remember not to leave the toilet seat up. PANEL 81 - An overhead view of Allison's house, Carrie's pickup is parked by the sidewalk. PANEL 82 - Establishing shot: A much relieved Allison sits happily in front of a happy Carrie. Both seem FINALLY at ease. A bright fresh new centerpiece sits on the table. ALLISON Well, you've definitely passed all the requirements...now a few quick questions. PANEL 83 - Allison sits forward a bit towards Carrie. ALLISON What is your opinion about alternate sexualities? Gays, lesbians and everything in between? PANEL 84 - Carrie is shocked. CARRIE (thinking) SHE'S ON TO ME! PANEL 84A - Allison looks on quizzically. ALLISON ? PANEL 84B - Carrie is visibly red, and nervous. CARRIE Um...I'm okay with it...one of my closest friends is a drag queen...uh...nope, I don't have a problem... um...with anything... PANEL 85 - Headshot of Allison, with a happy (perhaps a little relieved, too) smile on her face. ALLISON That's great! You don't know how many people I've had to let go because they don't like my type of friends! PANEL 86 - Allison is standing and Carrie is noticably relieved. ALLISON So, the last question I can see is "When can you move in?" PANEL 87 - Carrie stands up from her chair CARRIE You mean I'm in? ALISON Yes, ma'am! PANEL 88 - Carrie thrusts out her hand for a shake, which Allison looks at quizically. The centerpiece loses a small leaf. CARRIE THANK YOU!!! I promise I'll never let you down! PANEL 89 - Allison smiles and takes the hand. ALLISON Then here's to a long and fruitful relationship. PANEL 90 - The facade of of Allison's house...you can see Carrie hauling a box in through the front door, but our focus is on Allison, through a window. PANEL 91 - Allison is sitting in a chair, staring down at some pictures (the pictures are facing away from us, so we can't see them). PANEL 92 - (Rounded edged frame for "recollection") Amy turns to Allison who is halfway to her car. AMY It means that I found your pictures. PANEL 93 - (Rounded edged frame for "recollection") Amy turns to Allison who is halfway to her car. AMY And now I know who you are. PANEL 94 - Same as Panel 91, except that we see Allison's hand reaching for something. PANEL 95 - Close up of the back of the pictures as Allison begins to burn them with the lighter. Allison has a somewhat pained look on her face. END
Early Comic Drafts
Roommate Wanted May 1996June 1996June 1997
Rocket's Red FlareMay 1996June 1996
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